Conversations and advice on intern year tend to focus on surviving, the implication being that thriving can come later. Indeed, this is how intern year has felt for me (twice!)--endless patient care “checky boxes” in the hospital with limited time at home consumed by family life and studying squeezed between requisite personal hygiene, nutrition, and sleep to sustain human life. For interns of the 2019-2020 academic year, surviving meant not only adjusting to 80-hour work weeks and learning to respond when referred to as “doctor”, but doing so in the midst of a once-in-a-century global pandemic. Just when I’d made peace with being too busy to attend family events, much less make a dentist appointment, I found myself geographically separated from my husband and children for 8 weeks, with all dental offices closed for the foreseeable future.
My family was blessed with the option of staying with relatives nearby; the sacrifice for this safety and seclusion being I saw them solely through a video screen for 8 weeks. I was especially grateful for this convenience, weeks into the separation, when I spiked a temp of 102 less than 24 hours after my immediate co-worker tested positive for COVID. Thankfully I did not require hospitalization. Even still I have never felt so profoundly ill in all my life. As I mindfully adjusted by breathing to alleviate the burning sensation triggered by air passing through my bronchi, I was especially comforted to know my family was safely secluded, miles away. Thankfully, I was able to return to clinical duties 14 days after I came down with symptoms. I survived largely unscathed, though I did experience weeks of alopecia a few months after recovering, and noticed a post-viral tremor--something which I’ve seen scarcely discussed in the literature.
As someone who leans on my closest friends when stressed, I disengaged from social media as a means is of survival. I continued the virtual solitude when my second year schedule was unwittingly front loaded with the most difficult rotations packed into the first 6 months. Now with my critical care rotations, months of nights, and the ABSITE behind me, I have space to reflect on the last year and a half. What strikes me is that while I may have been on a social media hiatus, the spirit and positive energy of the SoMe community were with me every surgeon-paced step of intern year as well as every moment immobilized on the couch, while I willed the air to stop burning my lungs. I am so grateful for each and every social media connection and memory; I can’t wait to return to the community--to meet the newcomers, and catch up with old friends.
I close with two quotes by the poet, Rainer Maria Rilke, that capture my experience of solitude from social media, as well as my excitement to return.
“But your solitude will be a support and a home for you, even in the midst of very unfamiliar circumstances, and from it you will find all your paths.”
“I am so glad you are here. It helps me realize how beautiful my world is.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke
Wishing you health, happiness, growth, and connection in 2021.
